It is now the 3rd of Janaury and the New Year is already well underway. It is a time of year I don’t particularly care for. Mostly because we put an inordinate amount of hope on new beginnings, new hope and change for the better in our lives – all on a change of date. The 1st of January is no different from 27th April. The sun will still rise and set,  and we can get out of bed on that morning with as much hope for a better day and a better future than on any other day in the year. 

Why do people think that a few fireworks, some quickly forgotten resolutions and a few drinks will make a difference to their lives. I suppose it does make us focus on what has gone past, and what we would like the future to be. but it passes in such a blur that normal service is resumed before we can get a chance to properly do something about it. I was back at work on the 2nd, shops were open, pubs and clubs were open. Where is the time to reflect? There isn’t any. We live in a society that doesn’t give you that down time, doesn’t give you a chance to draw breath and really take stock of your life. My wish for 2009 is that we all have the chance to think about our lives and make some informed choices, instead of being pushed at breakneck speed by other people’s expectations in to a black hole that we can’t get out of.

I’ve had the flu since Boxing Day. I would say it has been the worst I have felt for years, but still I felt it necessary to go to work on the days that I said I would. I should have been tucked up in bed not thinking about work. But that would not do. No tea and sympathy in our place. I have deadlines to meet. Must get my work done – what a sad reflection of the crazy world we live in.

As a result, I have had a miserable few days, just wishing that I could feel well again and get some energy back to allow me to have some clear thinking time. Because I know this is going to be a big year for us, one way or another. There are some things I need to happen this year, that I will talk about in later posts, but I need to set a clear direction and then focus on it with drive and passion – something that I am not very good at normally.

I was lying in bed last night trying to get to sleep, and thinking what I would be doing today if my numbers came up on the EuroMillions lottery draw and I had won £37 million. I think it is safe to say, writing a blog post would not have been high on my list of priorities, so you can take it that I have not had that life changing experience today.

We can’t help but dream though. I’m going to continue dreaming, no matter what day of the week, month or year.

There is no time like the present, and this is the present. So let’s get on with it.

In this time of financial recession and the so called credit crunch, it is easy for us all to act like Scrooge and forget that this is supposed to be the time of goodwill to all men. All we see in the newspapers and hear on the TV is about how retailers are struggling to match last years obscence amounts of spending by consumers who have totally lost the plot.

Don’t get me wrong, I buy presents and I love to receive them at this time of year. But we are forgetting what this is all about. The food we eat, the time we share with our family is all meant to be in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. How many of us even give that a second thought on Christmas Day?

So please take a minute to reflect on Christmas Day. Reflect on what the last year has brought to you, good and bad. Reflect on your hopes and dreams for the future. What difference are you going to make in the world from tomorrow? Everyone has the ability to make a difference, however small. We are not all going to be President of the United States of America, or Russia, or China, but we all have the ability to do something to help our fellow man. That can be a member of your family, or a colleague at work, or someone you haven’t even met yet who crosses your path in the coming weeks and months. 

Jesus was special in his unique way, but we are all special in our own way. Never forget that.

Celebrate Christmas with your family and friends. Count your blessings. Look forward with hope and inspiration.

Merry Christmas world. Together we can make the spirit of Christmas last all year.

This should be the time of year when we are all feeling jolly, goodwill to all men and all that. This year, for various reasons, it feels distinctly different.

All around, we are hearing tales of gloom and doom in the economy. We are hearing about massive frauds committed by greedy people in the financial world; we are hearing about some of our best known and loved companies being forced to close; we are hearing about falling house prices; being warned of enormous job losses;…need I go on.

I does not seem like anyone feels very festive.

My better half is also feeling down. As I have mentioned previously, she lost her father this year and it has been a hard time for her and all of us. She is particularly feeling it now and she is very blue. She is homesick for Australia, and work is getting her down as well.

But despite all the doom and gloom, we have to believe there is hope. I am reading one of Paulo Cohello’s books at the moment and there are lots of wonderful nuggets of common sense and hope scattered within it. I have been lying in bed thinking about it, and we can only hope that things will get better for us all.

However, hope is not enough on it’s own. We have to take that hope and make it manifest itself in our lives. Whatever we hope for, taking steps towards making it a reality will increase our hope and belief that things will be better. I actually forget the last time I felt I had a really great day, from beginning to end. That is very sad. 

My hope is for great days. For days that begin with hope and end with a smile on my face. For days where I know I have done something to help myself, my family, my friends or indeed anyone, do something that will make things a little better for them.

The world is a big place. The reality we are in now does not have to be our reality tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. If we hope for a better reality, then we must do something to make it happen.

There are two much used phrases, “where there’s life, there’s hope”  and “without hope, there is only despair”.

Let us all hope. Let us all picture that better reality. Let us take hope and transform it. It is up to us.

It’s been a while. Actually it’s been ages. Not that there were a lot of people missing my posts, as I’m not sure anyone has actually read any of them. But that isn’t why I haven’t been posting. 

I was actually in the good old US of A for a few months, doing some work, having some fun, but also missing home and family. I didn’t have easy access to the internet, which was slightly annoying as I had planned to do a bit of a travelog, but it never happened. 

I’m back now, and going to keep this up to date and see if I can get in to the blogging community a bit more.

It’s strange having come back and been straight back in to the mad world that is the global economic crisis – which I am right in the middle of one way or another. The company I work for has been profoundly affected by it, and it is a tough place to be at the moment. I had the chance of going back to the States to work, but that has all been put on hold because of the crunch, and all I did over there was contribute to the credit crisis by blowing out on my credit cards.

It doesn’t feel like Christmas is just round the corner. I need to get more in the mood. I am feeling down a bit as I thought I would be planning for our new life over the pond, but instead I am stuck here and going to have to make the best of it for a while at least.

I have a screensaver installed that is an animation of Santa on his sleigh delivering presents down chimney pots. It tells me there is 18 days, 13 hours 4 minutes and 30 seconds to Christmas! So it’s not like I’m not being reminded to be full of festive spirit.

Australia feels like a good option again. Need to seriously think about how we can do that sooner rather than later.

I am also going to take my writing more seriously. I need to make some extra cash, and if I don’t use my skills to my advantage, then I will not have done myself justice and will sit and regret it forever.

Ok, not the most upbeat of texts to get started again, but I will make them a bit more entertaining from now on.

After all, when you’re sitting on your mammy’s knee, you want to hear nice stories. And that;s what I’ll be telling you.

Ho Ho Ho

I never thought I would admit to it, but Saturday night TV has actually brought a tear to my eye, and not because it is so pitifully bad!

Last choir Standing has been a stroke of genius in the plethora of so called ‘talent’ shows. The think that makes it different for me is the number of different styles, ages and capabilities of the choirs who entered. As always in these programmes, there are the sob stories to make it good for TV, but what has genuinely touched me is the passion all these people have for coming together to make a beautiful sound. 

Tonight, a Policeman’s choir made up of retirees and currently serving policemen were just so moving it was unbelievable. When they interviewed one of the members (who must have been well in to his 60’s) he was brought to tears remembering some of the people who had been in the choir and were no longer with us. The fact that the choir does so much to bring people together is almost as important as the music.

At the other end of the scale is a young group from Birmingham who didn’t have a musical director until seven days before the heat, and they pulled it out the bag to make it through to the last 15. They are truly inspirational in these times when the media is focussing on the terrible disease of youth knife crime.

I’ll be watching again and looking forward to being moved to tears. I just wish I could sing to join in! Watch it!

They say as you get older, the jet lag is harder to get over. Well not only have I had a week of disturbed sleeping and eating patterns, I’ve also become a year older (well if I’m being pedantic, I’m actually a year older since my last birthday, not since my last blog post… if you get my meaning).

Every time a birthday comes round, I go through a middle age crisis thing about what I am doing with my life.  And usually it creates some discontent in my mind about what I’ve achieved so far and what I’m going to do in the future. I am way closer to 50 than 40 now, and if I am going to make a life changing decision, I feel it has to be now. So things to think about are:

• Where do I want to live? Australia beckons once again, and my feeling at the moment is that it has a very strong attraction for at least a couple of years
• What do I want to do about earning a living? I work in a very stressful corporate environment at the moment, and I do really want to do something else that I can be more in control of my own destiny. I know everyone says they want to be a writer or author, and I harbour that ambition too. But I need to get my finger out and do something about it. It may be that I have to do the corporate thing until I get my act together on the writing side, even if we go to Australia, but I do need to have a plan to make that change.

So on a Sunday, I am sitting here at my computer wondering what to do today. Should I fill in my visa application a bit more (it has been partially completed for over 2 years)? Should I update my CV so I can get a job in Australia quickly? Should I look at the stories I have written and see what I can do to get them published?

On top of that, I want to do some exercise and stretching. 

The answer to all the above has to be yes. So time to get on with it!

Why would anyone in the northern hemisphere spend their summer holiday in the southern hemisphere – right in the middle of their winter? We have been in Sydney since last Tuesday (4th) and today we finally got some sunshine and some decent heat. It has been wet, windy and damn cold here and we didn’t bring enough warm clothes.

However, the real reson we are here is for Mirella (Nadia’s sister) and Domenic (my new brother in law)’s wedding. From the minute we arrived, the heavens opened and it looked like Saturday was going to be a washout. But our prayers were answered and at least it stopped raining for a few hours and the sun made a fleeting appearance, although the wind didn’t relent. It was a lovely day, and of course it was a wonderful family occassion, tinged with sadness because we all miss Walter. I was asked to give a speech on behalf of Walter at the reception, which was very hard for me and to be honest, I broke down a bit at the end. However, a lot of people came up to me afterwards and said they loved my speech as it obviously came from my heart. 

I’ll fill you in on the rest of the details along with some pictures (even of me in a kilt) when we get home. Only got a couple of days left now. It feels very quick and we haven’t had much time to think about what we might do about potentially moving here. We have been given wonderful hospitality by both sides of the fmaily, and I haven’t eaten (or even seen) so much food in so few days. We have one more day of family stuff to do then we have a couple of days to ourselves to explore the city a bit more and talk about the future.

Sydney in the rain feels like any other big city in the rain, and it wasn’t putting on it’s Sunday best to attract me here. But I’m glad I saw it like that to show that things are not always sunny on the other side of the world.

We have a quiet evening this evening, staying in watching TV. Let’s hope the weather picks up for our last few days before we head back to Edinburgh. I do wish we had a bit longer here, but it’s not to be this time.

They came to take it away today. My old Volvo, that was 12 years old and has been in my posession for the last 6 years. It was strangely sad. It has done nothing but cause me money and grief for the last two years as it chose the most inopportune moments to break down. But to see it unceremoniously hoisted on to the back of a trailer was a sad moment for me. I’ve never given up a car without having a newer one to look forward to. This time, it is going to be the world of hire cars for a while. Probably more economical, more environmentally responsible, but probably more inconvenient.

Seeing the old car swing by a couple of chains slung through it’s windows actually put me in a bit of a depression for the rest of the afternoon. But when I realise I don’t have to pay road tax or insurance next month, then I’m sure that will be all that I need to bring me to my senses.

However, it for many of it’s years it served me and my family well. I hope it finds a good scrap yard.

 

There’s nothing so exciting as trying to be radical and break a habit. Posting on a Sunday? Well it’s hardly earth shattering or life changing. But since I was too tired to do anything yesterday, today it is.

It is a long bank holiday weekend this weekend, so at least I can spend Sunday not having to think about work on Monday. I am one of those people who can’t switch off totally when I’m not at work. My sleeping patterns are not good. I can get to sleep, but frequently waken up around 4 or 4:30 and my brain decides it’s time to think about all the things I haven’t done at work, all the trouble I might be in…etc. etc. Of course, when I actually get to work, none of that actually transpires. But I’ve been doing it for the last 20 years of my life, and to be honest, that would be the habit I would like to break most.

However, only one week to go before holidays and we’re off to Sydney for by sister in law’s wedding. I have decided I’m going to wear my kilt, but that involved buying a new jacket, belt (my old one seems to have shrunk!!!!) and shoes. But I got it all yesterday and tried it on before Nadia came home from work. I decided to give her a surprise and walked along in all my finery to meet her. I felt really good and of course got a few admiring glances from the tourists – the locals just shout rude things that I’m not going to repeat. So we met in Charlotte Square (almost exactly where the picture at the top of this blog was taken from) and her face was a delight when she saw me. Of course, the first question she asked was if I was a true Scotsman? That is a secret that I am not prepared to reveal here – well not at this stage anyway. I’ll post some pics when we get back from holiday and the debate can start then!

Last week in the pub on Friday night after work, we got on to the subject of Top 5’s. It is not something I normally think about, but it did get me thinking about my Top 5 films and Top 5 books. I am not very good at remembering these things, or categorising them. I either enjoy it or I don’t, but I am not in the habit of ranking them. but I joined in and came up quickly with my top 5 films:

1.  Life is Beautiful (Roberto Bagnini is in this one- makes you laugh and cry and think about the cruelty of war)
2. It’s a Wonderful Life (Jimmy Stewart at his finest – you can’t help but be moved by it)
3. Star Wars (the original one, whatever that has become in the series. A great story, great effects and took adventure and sci-fi to another level)
4. Dead Poet’s Society (Saw this at a very impressionable time in my life – I so wanted to be Robin William’s character and inspire others to follow their dream)
5. The Godfather (just a great, dark story)

So of course that started a debate about the relative merits of each of mine and everyone else’s and I realised that these Top 5 things are a way of generating conversation in a pub when the only thing you probably have in common with the others there is that you work together. Bitching about work gets a bit boring after a while, especially since we all probably had the same things to moan about the last time we were out.

Anyway, I stand by my Top 5 movies, and I’m going to watch them again as soon as I can.

One last thing in this habit breaking entry…

Last Monday morning I got a call at work from the Police. Someone had tried to steal my car during the night. It was not parked directly in front of our flat, so I didn’t notice. I don’t know how they got in, but they ripped the wiring under the steering column and tried to hot wire it. Ha Ha! It has not been working for about a month and the battery is flat. They only managed to move it six feet, but unfortunately that put it on the pavement. So I came home after work to find that Edinburgh’s wonderful parking wardens had given me a parking ticket for obstructing the footway! What a laugh I had – well not really. Anyway, the upshot is the Police (who have been great, by the way) said I should appeal the ticket and it will be cancelled. So I have written away and hopefully they will see sense.

What it has done though is made me make a decision about the future of the car, and I’m afraid it doesn’t have a future. It is 12 years old and going to cost more to fix than it is worth, even with insurance. So I have decided to scrap it and the men in the big white truck are coming to take it away on Monday. I have survived without it for most of the last three months (it has broken down on more than one occasion), and we have joined the City Car Club where you can hire a car by the hour (and it is parked 50 yards from our flat). I’ll use the money we save from the parking, road tax, petrol, MOT, servicing, Breakdown service and insurance to hire cars as and when we need them. Far more environmentally friendly. It is the first time in nearly 30 years I won’t have a car, but then I can dare to be different…can’t I? 

I can’t believe Saturday has come round so quickly. It has been a totally manic week at work and I feel shattered. Must have done close to 60 hours this week, and I still have some reading I need to do over the weekend. I know work is a big part of our lives, but it should also be fun. Last week was not fun. Lots of pressure and demands at ridiculously short notice for things, then being told what you have done wasn’t what was being asked for – well sorry, that is what you asked me for! Just because you change your mind doesn’t mean I was wrong! I am normally very mild mannered and take things in my stride, but I had to go out of the office for a walk to calm down on Wednesday. I was so angry. I was ready to tell them to stuff their job. But I went back, did what I had to do (even though it meant working until after midnight) and thankfully everything came together at the end on Friday.

We are going on holiday in a couple of weeks and I can’t wait. I really need a break. But I am dreading the amount of work I am going to have to do before I leave. One of my team is on holiday the week before I am off, so I can’t handover stuff to her properly. I’m sure I will get there, but it all feels pretty stressful at the moment.

But there are better things to talk about than work. We are going to visit my brother and his family in Glasgow tonight, and be introduced to my 16 year old nephew’s girlfriend. I was lying awake this morning thinking that I might play the uncle from hell for a laugh. Things like making fun of her name (Rose – which isn’t funny in itself, but I could have some fun with it – like call her by a different name every time, like Rosemary, Rosalie, Rose petal, Rose Hip, Rose Royce, and so on). I’ll see if she can take a laugh or not. It’s ben a while since we saw them, so looking forward to a good night.

I have decided to wear my kilt at the wedding in Australia. So watch out for the pictures!